'American Idol' Season 12 Premiere Recap: Mean Girls
By Lyndsey Parker | Reality Rocks – 9 hours ago
photo: FoxEven
the most casual "American Idol" viewer knows all about the months-long
feud/publicity campaign leading up to this
Wednesday's premiere of "Idol" Season 12, starring new alpha-female
judges Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj. The "leaked" TMZ video of their
on-set
war of (four-letter) words. Mariah's subsequent claim, to Barbara
Walters, of Nicki-administered death threats and the need for beefed-up
security. Nasty Nigel Lythgoe, "Idol's" executive producer, telling
reporters that hapless new middle judge Keith Urban will serve as the
"scratching post" in this TV catfight. Yes, before Season 12 even began,
this show looked like "The Real Housewives Of Idol," or
"Idol Shore," or "Bad Judges' Club." Was this really the new direction for this formerly feelgood, family-friendly program?
Well, now that Season 12's first full episode has
finally aired, the answer to that burning question seems to be...yes and
no. "When you add three
incredibly passionate performers to the panel, you know there's going to
be a bit of personality conflict," warned host Ryan Seacrest, and Nicki
and Mariah's clash of egos/hair/outfits/personal assistants definitely did
dominate the premiere's proceedings at New York's Lincoln
Center. Within the first half-hour of the show, in fact, they'd
squawkily, squeakily bickered about everything from Mariah's diva demand
for
more ice in her conspicuously branded Coca-Cola cup, to Nicki's decision
to wear a distracting drum-majorette hat, to Nicki's familiarity or
lack thereof with the dialogue of the film Mean Girls. (Nicki
then likened Mariah to Rachel McAdams's villainess character, Regina
George, and even Mariah's manager, fellow judge Randy Jackson, had to
chuckle a bit.) At one point, Nicki even called Mariah "something that
starts with a B and ends with an itch," although it seemed that Nicki was
just snarkily rapping a verse of an old-school Missy Elliott song.
The two loud ladies were actually chattering so much from the moment
they sat
down on either side of poor Keith Urban, they didn't even notice when
the wild-eyed first auditioner of the day, Michael Buonopane, stomped
into
the room, clapping his hands and shouting Queen's "We Will Rock You" at
them. It was only when Michael broke into some ill-advised reggaeton
that they looked up from their argument, but even then, they didn't
agree: Nicki gave Michael the big fat "no" he so clearly deserved, but
Mariah shrugged and said yes, just to be contrary.Really, the whole Mariah/Nicki rivalry seemed in good fun. It wasn't always fun, of course--it got old, fast, and I am already praying to the television gods that Season 12 won't be entirely overshadowed by their crazy quarreling. (If I ever get in the mood for that sort of TV fare, I'll just switch over to Bravo for some hair-pulling "Real Housewives" action, thank you very much.) But it was all harmless enough, and by the episode's end, the two women-on-the-verge even seemed to come to some sort of truce, with Nicki musing, "I feel like we gel well in a weird, freaky way," and Mariah actually smiling demurely and admitting, "I agree."
Oh, I am sure that there are many
TV-trainwreck-loving rubberneckers out there who were sorely
disappointed that
Mariah didn't try to yank off Nicki's neon wig by its nylon roots, or
that Nicki didn't lunge across the judging table only to be forcibly
restrained by middle-man Keith
and/or a SWAT team of bodyguards. But honestly, I was much more disappointed by the LACK OF TALENT. And really, isn't what "Idol" is
supposed to be all about? Not superstar judges and their silly, probably-fake, definitely-overhyped feuds, but the search for America's
next potential superstar?
Seriously, during the entire two-hour episode, only eight of the 41
contestants who received golden tickets had their auditions
shown in full--and sadly, few of those auditions were true standouts.
Although the cold open of the premiere featured Season 11 winner Phillip
Phillips, "the pawn shop worker turned into a megastar," crooning his
triple-platinum coronation song "Home," followed by a montage of A-list
"Idol" alums like Kelly, Carrie, and J.Hud scooping up Grammys, Oscars,
and gold plaques galore, I didn't necessarily spot a potential Phillip
or Kelly in Wednesday's mix. Of the contestants who did make it through,
ones to watch for in Hollywood Week included a Mariah fangirl, a
country golden girl, an affable subway busker, a hearing-impaired
beauty, an Indian fashionisto, and a foster-family caregiver with a
voice as lovely as her spirit. But will any
of these contestants really become The Next American Idol? Of that, I am
not so sure...Here's who advanced to Hollywood on Wednesday:
Tenna Torres
- Apparently there is some magical place called Camp
Mariah, where impressionable young girls presumably frolic with
butterflies, and Tenna is a product of this camp: There, at age 13, she
had the
chance to sing for her personal idol, Mariah. And it was such a
monumental day in Tenna's tweenhood, she brought yellowed photos of
their
encounter to her "Idol" audition, 15 whole years later. Apparently
singing was a top merit-badge activity for Tenna at Camp Mariah, since
her
rendition of Carole King's "You've Got A Friend" was pretty solid. But
acting was clearly not even offered on the schedule of Camp Mariah's
sanctioned activities, since Mariah's faux-emotional reaction to her
reunion with this happy camper--pretending to remember their first
meeting,
trying to force out a single proud tear as she listened to the grown-up
Tenna sing--seriously made her Glitter performance look like an
Oscar-winning tour de force. Puh-leeze. But Mariah seemed
sincere enough when she praised Tenna's voice and gave her a great big
yes,
and for once she and Nicki agreed: Nicki was impressed as well. Keith
and Randy also said yes, so now Tenna will be moving on from Camp Mariah
to Camp Hollywood.
Christina "Isabelle"
- This corn-fed, all-American girl gave me a serious Jessica Simpson
vibe, and not
just because she talked about her past weight struggles like a pro
Weight Watchers spokesgirl. (Christina used to weigh in at 200 pounds;
she's
now down to 150 and looking fabulous.) She just seemed like the kind of
girl-next-door that viewers would root for. Her rendition of
"Summertime," while not exactly on par with Fantasia's iconic Season 3
version, was definitely great, and she sounded like a budding country
star. Keith praised the "realness" and "humanity" in this Berklee
College Of Music grad's voice. Nicki exclaimed: "Oh. Em. Gee!"
Mariah simply
beamed, benevolently. And all four judges said yes, of course. I think
Christina--or Isabelle, or whatever her name is--could be a real
contender this season.
Shira
Gaveilov - Apparently this girl had a number-one single in her
native country, Israel. But I doubt she will ever have one in America. I
thought her awkward cover of the Zutons'/Amy Winehouse's "Valerie" was
more like the kind of audition that makes it onto an "Idol"-reject
blooper reel,
and I was utterly shocked (talk about "Oh. Em. Gee!") when the judges roundly praised Shira and Nicki went so far as to dub her a
"superstar." I can't imagine Shira will make it past day one of Hollywood Week, really.
Frankie Ford -
This
Flatbush native, self-declared "starving artist," and subway busker--the
son of a drug addict who's lived with his adoptive mom since age
2--started off shaky, when nerves got the better of him only a few
seconds into his first attempt at singing the Eurythmics' "Sweet
Dreams." But
luckily, the judges saw some potential and gave Frankie another chance,
and then he really pulled it together; he actually ended up being one of
the finest singers of the entire episode. "I liked your big voice;
there's a lot of musicality and tone," said Keith. "I like this kid. I
believe
in you, man," added Randy. "You have an inner glow, which is
always beautiful to see," said Mariah (unwittingly giving ex-judge
Jennifer Lopez's perfume some free PR). And so, Frankie will soon stop
singing on New York trains and will take a plane straight to Hollywood,
where I expect he will keep on glowing.
Sarah Restuccio - This 17-year-old blueberry-farm worker's rendition of country
Idol Carrie Underwood's "Mama's Song" was nice--but just that. Nice. And nice wouldn't cut it. Sarah was certainly no Underwood. But
when Sarah started rapping Nicki's smash hit "Superbass," she came alive. That was
total entertainment. Nicki loved it, of course, and
she showed her appreciation by breaking out an array of wackadoodle
facial expressions that are probably being turned into GIFs and uploaded
onto countless Tumblrs at this very moment. However, the other three
judges were somehow confused, unsure of whether Sarah was trying to be a
country rapper,
a rapping country singer, or something else entirely. But eventually the
judges--even Mariah--came around to Nicki's way of thinking, and they
put Sarah through. Now let's see if Sarah covers "Beez In The Trap"
during Hollywood Week. That'd be kind of awesome.
Angela
Miller - Incredibly, Angela has struggled with hearing problems
her whole life, but that didn't at all hinder her ability to sing
beautifully, according to my own two ears. Her cover of Jessie J's "Mama
Knows Best" was really strong--Randy even declared it one of the best
auditions of the day. Nicki raved that Angela had "that thing that makes
me feel something in my soul." Mariah adored the natural tone and
texture of
Angela's voice. Keith called her an "easy yes" (that sounded a little
sleazy, but he meant that in the best possible way). I can't wait to
hear
more from this girl, no pun intended.
Gupreett Singh Sarin
- Fashion diva Nicki, no stranger to colorful headwear
herself, instantly appreciated the fact that this guy said he owned "40
to 50" turbans, to "coordinate with every outfit." He was soon dubbed
"The Turbanator," complete with action-movie CGI graphics, with Nicki
buddying up to him and further nicknaming him "Turb." I assumed Turb
would
be just a joke contestant, an affable reject. However, his smooth
performance of Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning" was surprisingly decent. (One
minor
quibble: He should have worn a maroon-colored turban.) The judges were
divided--Keith thought Turb's voice was "too light" and said no, Randy
and
Mariah were intrigued and said yes--thus leaving this innocent man's
fate in Nicki's acrylic-manicured hands. Incredibly, Nicki sided
with...Mariah, and the Turbanator got a golden ticket in the end. And I hope he wears a golden turban in Hollywood, to
match.
Ashlee Feliciano -
This soulful 20-year-old with a strong Tamyra Gray vibe was the final
auditioner of the
evening, with "Idol" as usual saving the best for last. Ashlee had some
sort of backstory about her family fostering "medically complex
children," and while that was indeed a heart-warming tale, she didn't
even need to tell it--or drag her entire family into the audition room,
at
the judges' request--to ace her audition. Her cover of Corinne Bailey
Rae's "Put Your Records On" was really, really nice--the girl
had
a gorgeous voice and a certain quiet star quality that made me (and the
judges) sit up and take notice. "I'm so inspired by you, and I think so
many girls will be inspired by you," said Nicki. "Your potential is
great," said Mariah. "Your low register has the most beautiful tone,"
marveled Keith. So this girl was also an easy yes.
So there you have it--a few singers with potential, for sure, but too few to deflect attention away from Mariah and Nicki's diva drama, unfortunately. Tune in Thursday to see if Season 12's talent improves, when the judges blow through Chicago, the Windy City--and, by the looks of Fox's promos, blow up at each other all over again. Ugh. So much for that truce...
Parker out.
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